Square Dance
by Kansas J. Miller
Summary: Fourth Series in my CJ/Simon world. CJ and Simon run into a complication.
1. Default Chapter

TITLE: Square Dance: Chapter 1  
  
AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller  
  
PAIRING: CJ/Simon  
  
RATING: PG  
  
SUMMARY: At once everything seemed wonderful; Simon was there and CJ wondered why she'd ever thought of change in the first place.  
  
SPOILERS: One vague-ass references to ITSOTG  
  
DISCLAIMER: Brent Cregg is my own creation but the rest are not. They belong to ABS, who sees it fit to kill good people. G  
  
NOTE: This is fourth in the little CJ/Simon world I've created. Follows "One in Ten Million"  
  
***  
  
She thought about cutting her hair. Maybe with lots of layers…something choppy that would stick out in all the right places and remind people of a photo in W or Vogue. Lighten it up maybe, subtle blonde streaks—with a hint of someone younger in a sideways part. And she could ease up on her eyeliner, find a shimmery shadow, and pluck her brow until it curved even higher. The look of a classy woman, CJ thought, and maybe it was time to replace her broken sunglasses. Nothing under seventy-five dollars, she decided, and they'd have to be from Italy.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" Simon asked placing a hand on her knee, jolting CJ out of her thoughts. Slowly she turned her head, focusing her eyes on Simon as he picked her soda can up from the cement.  
  
"A haircut," CJ said, taking the drink as she rearranged her legs on the lounge. "I might get a haircut."  
  
"Ah," Simon smiled, touching CJ's wet locks of hair briefly before kneeling down to her level. "What kind?"  
  
Her mind feeling hazy, CJ smiled slowly as she looked away from the pool and back to Simon. "The high maintenance kind," she smirked, sarcastically noting how well it fit her.  
  
Simon grinned affectionately up at CJ, tapping her foot before heeding Hogan's call. He looked like a little boy, CJ thought with an unexplainable tightening in her throat, but then he was so much a man…even when he was thrashing around in the pool with a volleyball and her brother. He was just the type CJ hoped that Hogan would find someday; Simon was just the type CJ herself had always hoped to find. She was actually getting married, she realized with a twinge of excitement, not because she HAD to do it, but because she really wanted to be with Simon.  
  
And it bothered CJ only slightly that she was thinking of a haircut. Haircuts always meant change, rather a defense against something bad. CJ had changed her hair after Rosslyn, trying to rid herself of the awful memories, trying to become someone removed of that terrifying night…CJ was never really sure if that tactic had worked, but thinking of getting a haircut NOW…What did it mean? She wanted to stop the rushing ebb and flow of frantic thoughts that tore at her mind; she didn't want to think about changing her hair; she didn't want to think about changing this perfection she thought she'd found. But Simon was right for her, CJ thought with confidence. Another moment passed and CJ sighed. Why did she feel so restless, so volatile?  
  
***  
  
Brent Cregg floated in the pool, relaxing in an inner tube, dodging the volleyball that Simon had hit past his daughter. Hogan seemed to like CJ's fiancé more than she liked her own dad; Simon was usually so much more fun, easier to talk to, easier to be around. Brent felt like he was being an awful father but he was absolutely unable to shake the grief of losing his wife. Hogan's grief would pass faster if his would, Brent knew, but it was hard to move on from love.  
  
Relocating to Washington in the middle of his daughter's junior year had probably been unwise as well, but Brent had turned the only way he knew: towards Claudia. His sister, though five years younger, had always been his rock. She was smarter, she was calmer, and she always had exactly the right solution to any problem. If there was anyone to be near during a hard time, it was Claudia Jean.  
  
Hogan seemed happier here, Brent reasoned; she liked her new school and her new friends. Napa was bound with the past, and though his father remained there, Brent had been eager to get away from the constant surrounding of his wife's memory.  
  
Now, three thousand miles away, Brent still felt his wife's presence, but at least he had CJ's too. She had found them a beautiful home in Arlington—the pool had been an exciting bonus—and CJ had even loaned Brent a couple thousand dollars, knowing that he'd never be able to pay it back. He supposed it was what sisters did for brothers, but there were times when Brent felt totally inadequate next Claudia.  
  
And as he tore his eyes off of Simon and Hogan, Brent moved his gaze over to where his sister sat. She was lying on the chaise lounge in a black bikini, holding a soda and staring into space. Wondering if her troubles were work-related or Simon-related, Brent held off confronting CJ. Likely it was work on her mind, he decided, because for two weeks of engagement, CJ seemed ecstatic with Simon.  
  
Brent liked Simon Donovan and thought that he'd make a good husband to CJ, and while he was aware of CJ's fierce independence, Brent was glad that Simon had been able to crack the surface. He'd always wanted someone to take care of CJ. For all her staunch toughness, Brent knew that a vulnerable little girl lay under the surface. He saw that Simon was the perfect one to crack that wall, finally, at last.  
  
Hogan was thrilled for sure; the loud shriek she'd emitted upon hearing the news was still resonating in Brent's ears. CJ had promised Hogan a place in the bridal party if their wedding turned out to be so formal; the teen was thrilled. Brent found it humorously out of place to hear his perpetually-single sister talking about a bridesmaid gown, about a ceremony.  
  
The entire situation was unlike CJ, Brent realized, but her happiness had been so clear. But now as CJ sat distant and almost troubled, Brent wondered if this was really what CJ wanted—three times before, CJ had shirked off marriage. And when her cell phone rang, CJ angrily got up off of the lounge, walking towards the house with an exaggerated annoyance that neither Simon nor Brent could ignore.  
  
***  
  
"CJ," Carol crooned into her boss's ear, "I did some research on these dresses. You're going to love this…"  
  
"Why did you do that?" CJ sighed, standing up from her chair and turning towards the lawn.  
  
Carol laughed. "You told me to. And it's Saturday, I had free time."  
  
Moaning as her feet hit the sprinkler-damp lawn, CJ bit her lip. "Shit, Carol, I didn't actually mean you had to do it."  
  
"I found some extremely under priced yet gorgeous gowns, and I know you said to nix the white, but I think that if…Hey, what's wrong?" Carol breathed out in a rush, ever-excited about her boss's engagement, but not blind to CJ's aversion.  
  
"Oh…nothing. I just don't really feel like planning this thing. Maybe we'll elope," CJ moaned, only half kidding. Turning around, she saw Simon hoisting himself out of the pool. He'd hate that idea…  
  
"No!" Carol cried with a laugh. "No eloping. Just relax, I'll help you with this stuff…there's plenty of time. You haven't even set the date yet."  
  
"Damn right," CJ muttered, not sure she could handle even that. "Let's just focus on real stuff right now? We've only got two weeks before the convention."  
  
CJ heard Carol's amused sigh as the sun seemed to burn brighter on her bare shoulders. Simon's smooth hands on her back startled CJ, and she spun around with a quick goodbye to her assistant.  
  
"You okay?" Simon asked with a soft smile, running his hands down her arms.  
  
"Yeah," CJ shivered, putting her own hands on Simon's biceps. "You're having fun," she smiled, shaking off her annoyance. They'd been engaged for two weeks and already CJ could hardly stand to think about the actual wedding. It was stupid, she reasoned, to organize and pay for a big showy ceremony and reception when all she really wanted was to take the simple vows, to be with Simon.  
  
"Yeah, but are you having fun?" Simon asked, dipping his head a bit to meet her eyes. "You've been out of it all afternoon."  
  
CJ smiled and squeezed Simon's arms as reassurance. Nothing was really wrong but she could not get the major stress of planning a wedding off of her mind. "I'm fine. Just been thinking a lot."  
  
"About a new haircut?" Simon smiled, slipping an arm around CJ's waist as he turned them back towards the pool.  
  
Leaning against Simon, CJ bit her lip and threw her cell phone on the lounge. "Let's not talk about the haircut. I might think about it sometimes, but I don't really want one…"  
  
She smiled at Simon as they approached the pool, knowing that she confused him sometimes; CJ confused herself at times, too, and before her brain could get a serious hold on whatever was really bothering her, the water hit her legs.  
  
"Aunt CJ…" Hogan teased, throwing more water up at CJ, forcing her to give in. Hopping into the pool with a splash, Simon right behind her, CJ let herself enjoy the cool water. At once everything seemed wonderful; her brother was laughing, Hogan was happy, Simon was there and CJ wondered why she'd ever thought of change in the first place.  
  
***  
  
CJ and Simon had gone to Simon's place after the swim, if only for a change of pace. They spent most of their time at CJ's apartment, sometimes forgetting that they did maintain two separate residences. Simon was going home less and less, and as he washed the lettuce for a salad, he knew he had to bring up moving. He thought that they should sell his place—and it would go for a nice price—but he wasn't sure what CJ wanted. Did she want to keep her apartment for the both of them? Did she want to buy a house in the suburbs? Were children in the equation for them? Simon smiled and shook his head, knowing how hard all of that would be with their current jobs.  
  
But jobs weren't forever, Simon realized, and they were both getting older. Maybe the time was right. Maybe…Simon's thoughts were interrupted when his eye caught the blinking red light on his answering machine.  
  
CJ was in the shower, and as he grabbed a pen and pad of paper, Simon hoped this was nothing work-related that would take time away from dinner. Hitting the playback button, Simon leaned over the counter and restlessly flicked the pen against the counter.  
  
His back straightened as the soft, feminine voice filtered into his ears, and as Simon let the sudden surprise of the message sink in, he didn't notice CJ leaning skeptically against the kitchen doorframe.  
  
***  
  
Simon had mentioned Kelly to CJ exactly two times during the course of their relationship. All CJ knew was that she was in the Secret Service, she was young, and that she'd been a hurricane in Simon's life. The picture in CJ's mind of the mysterious ex-girlfriend was of a tall, blond, gorgeous model type, one who also happened to wield a gun and could shoot it, too. Intimidating, yes. But even more intimidating to CJ was the fact that Simon could not—would not—talk details about what Kelly had put him through. That gave away so much; Kelly likely meant a lot to Simon, and she'd likely hurt him terribly. It had been a serious relationship, and as CJ leaned nervously against the doorframe, she didn't want to believe that Kelly had called.  
  
Instantly insecure, CJ hated the woman's young, light voice as it played out of the message machine; she hated that the call contained the perfect mix of work and flirtation. A drink. Kelly wanted to have a drink with Simon and Simon wanted to forget just how badly this woman had twisted his heart. He didn't want to see Kelly—he wanted CJ—but subconsciously as he deleted the message Simon knew he'd end up at a small table somewhere, having a drink with Kelly.  
  
CJ knew it, too, the moment she saw Simon's posture turn rigid. And when Simon hit the erase button—not bothering to copy down a number that he knew by heart—CJ thought again, about that haircut. About that uneasy need for change…It was almost like a square dance, she reasoned with a growing lump in her throat, the one where the partners change…But Simon wouldn't do that to her, Simon was a constant… * 


	2. 2

1 TITLE: Square Dance: Chapter 2  
  
AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller  
  
PAIRING: CJ/Simon  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
SUMMARY: she was already opening her mouth to tell him everything that she thought she understood but never really would.  
  
SPOILERS: None this time :)  
  
***  
  
"Jesus, I'm sorry…" Simon breathed out, his heart still racing though he noticed CJ's slight grimace and moaned cry. They were sweaty, mostly from the exertions of their lovemaking, though the muggy night and open windows added to the warmth.  
  
"No," CJ immediately responded, sighing deeply as Simon pulled out of her body, his heavy weight still on top of her. "That was good."  
  
"Too fast," Simon murmured with a smile, kissing the side of CJ's neck softly as he slid an arm under her back. Pulling her closer with a wider grin, he admitted, "I couldn't help it."  
  
CJ chuckled, running her fingers lightly up and down Simon's smooth, muscled back. "I'll take that as a compliment."  
  
Simon moved off of CJ, the light rustling of the sheets almost painfully loud in the quiet of the night. It was nearing two in the morning and though the next day would bring work, neither Simon nor CJ felt sleep closing in. Still lying on her back, breathing methodically as she felt her body coming down from its high, CJ reached out to Simon. He'd rolled onto his side and was now propping his head up with an arm; just to catch his eyes was enough to make CJ's heart skip a beat.  
  
"What?" she asked, tracing his jawbone lightly with her index finger. He was gorgeous, she thought, wondering what he saw when he looked at her. Simon shook his head, the thoughts almost unexplainable to even CJ. She moved her hand away from his chin to ruffle his hair, and even though the room was dark, the moonlight played reflectively over Simon's face. "Simon, what's bothering you?" CJ asked again, more articulate as she saw his eyes flinch away.  
  
"Oh, nothing…" Simon said, casually propping himself up against the pillows. "Nothing," he repeated again after a minute, looking quickly over at CJ, into her intuitive eyes. Simon immediately knew that it was a lost cause; she was already opening her mouth to tell him everything that she thought she understood but never really would.  
  
"Listen, Simon," CJ began, her voice far too clear for the late summer night. As she pulled the sheet over her naked breasts, Simon felt his mind wandering and wondering why her voice didn't sound hoarse or even soft. He'd just made love to her; she shouldn't be so talkative, she shouldn't be… but her crystal, television voice continued it's invasion.  
  
"I know that Kelly called you last night. I heard the message, and I'm sure that's what's on your mind. If you want to have a drink with her, go for it, but I can't deal with you acting as if…"  
  
"CJ," Simon cut her off, hearing the rambling quality that her voice was taking on. "It's fine, just drop it."  
  
Struck by his short tone, CJ immediately fell silent. Turning his head away from her, Simon breathed out sharply, annoyed at himself. He had no desire to talk about Kelly, but it was an undeniable fact that his ex- girlfriend had called him, had asked him to go for a drink. Sure, there were work issues to make Kelly's request plausible—she'd been on assignment in California and was now being reassigned to the President's security detail for the post-convention. But was seeing Kelly a good idea? Simon didn't know. He was happy not having her in his life: he'd loved Kelly—their relationship had been long and serous—but she'd hurt him. She probably didn't know that Simon was engaged to CJ; she probably wanted to start their relationship over again. Just the thought of Kelly set Simon off; it was terribly bothersome that she could make Simon snap so at CJ.  
  
Simon turned his head back to CJ and slowly moved closer to her until his arm was wrapped around her. She looked down at the white sheet, tangled and damp in her lap and fought giving in to Simon's touch. Eventually leaning against his chest, CJ allowed him to kiss her temple, to say what he wanted to say.  
  
"I didn't mean to be…Hey, CJ, there's nothing for you to worry about. She doesn't mean anything to me. Not like you do."  
  
CJ tucked her head under Simon's chin and played with his hand, resting on her shoulder. "I DO NOT feel threatened by this person," she vehemently insisted, sure that just for the moment she could tuck away the truth, "but if she doesn't mean anything to you, why are you so nervous about seeing her? Why didn't you tell me? It's all so…"  
  
Simon twisted his head so he could see CJ's eyes. "I am not nervous," he said firmly, sure that he too could hide what was real. "And I didn't tell you because I didn't want to make it a thing."  
  
Leaning into his lips, CJ kissed Simon softly before letting it go. "Fine, Tough Stuff, but you seem nervous to me. I hope I never freak you out this much."  
  
With a grin, letting him know that she wanted to be kidding, CJ slid out of bed and gracefully exited the situation. Heading for the bathroom, CJ could almost picture Simon's baffled expression.  
  
She sat on the closed toilet, pulled her knees to her chest and pondered what Simon was feeling. CJ was pretty sure that he didn't want to be with anyone else, but it was unnerving to see a man of his emotional stature so uncoiled. In the day since Kelly had left her message, every time the phone rang Simon had flinched at the thought of a second call; he'd been quieter and even more attentive than usual to CJ. The incredible sex they'd just had was testament to the silent claim, the silent reassurance.  
  
Only, Simon wasn't reassuring CJ; he was reassuring HIMSELF that CJ—not Kelly—was in his life now. Biting her lip, CJ hated that and she hated the fact that she'd be jealous every time this woman was mentioned. She and Simon were adults, about to commit their lives to one another. CJ knew she shouldn't be in the bathroom alone, and with a sharp sigh, she felt that Simon knew it, too.  
  
***  
  
Monday morning was more hectic than usual and when CJ awoke, Simon was not keeping the bed warm beside her. Already dressed in a suit and on his cell phone when CJ's alarm shocked her at 5:30, Simon was now pacing rapidly in the kitchen. CJ was exhausted, sleep-deprived, and more than a little bit sore from the night before. Attempting to fix her hair, Simon's feet on the linoleum only distracted CJ from the task; he was making toast and coffee, talking to Ron Butterfield and surely trying to read the paper all at once.  
  
Just hours before, when CJ had slid into bed on her stomach, Simon had covered her body with his own and whispered to her ear. He loved her very much. They could talk about anything and everything CJ wanted. Tomorrow, he promised, we'll talk in the morning. CJ had drifted into a hazy sleep feeling almost satisfied, feeling like maybe Simon really would tell her about the danger that Kelly brought.  
  
But he was frenetic this morning; Simon was already buzzing with whatever pressing matters had arisen for the Secret Service. CJ, too, did not feel like talking this morning. What's more, she wasn't totally convinced that she even needed to hear about Kelly. As long as Simon knew what he wanted, so did CJ.  
  
"Shit," CJ moaned with a smile, stumbling over her heels as she found the kitchen. "You did me in last night."  
  
Pushing a coffee mug towards her, Simon hung up his cell phone and replaced it in his breast pocket. "Glad to hear it," he smiled, leaning over the smooth surface of the island counter to capture CJ's lips. Quickly the kiss was over as the ring of Simon's phone began again.  
  
Rolling her eyes good-naturedly, CJ sipped the coffee and pulled her briefcase up from the floor. Papers, she thought with a sigh, so many papers… Catching the content of Simon's call, CJ looked up suddenly.  
  
"Yeah, Kelly, we really should get together," he said, winking at CJ in a manner that was not totally reassuring. "Tonight sounds fine. I'm going to bring someone with me, though…Yes, there's someone I want you to meet." * 


	3. 3

1 TITLE: Square Dance: Chapter 3  
  
AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller  
  
PAIRING: CJ/Simon  
  
RATING: PG  
  
SUMMARY: None  
  
SPOILERS: Not tonight…  
  
***  
  
"You want me to do WHAT?" CJ cocked her head towards Simon, coffee in hand as she froze at his suggestion. Simon hung up from the call with Kelly and had casually wondered aloud if CJ would meet him for a drink with her.  
  
Simon leaned his elbows on the counter top and very seriously trained his eyes on CJ. "Come and meet Kelly tonight with me. At the Four Seasons. We'll all have a drink, talk for forty-five minutes and it'll be done."  
  
CJ let out a short, nervous chuckle. "Are you kidding me with this?"  
  
"No…" Simon rose an eyebrow as he drew out the word. "What's wrong?"  
  
CJ laughed again, not sure why it was even remotely funny. She didn't really want to be anywhere near Simon's ex-girlfriend, especially since this Kelly person had so deeply affected her fiancé. "I guess it's just an odd request, Simon…"  
  
"Honey, I know you're not jealous," Simon smiled with a leading tone. "I have to see her about the protection detail anyway, and if you're there with me it'd be a lot easier..."  
  
CJ met Simon's eyes, reading the honesty in them. She loved him; she did want to make things easier for him, so with a sigh, she relented. "Okay, whatever you want to do, Simon. Just call me about it later. I'm gonna be late if I don't leave now."  
  
Agreeing, Simon kissed CJ goodbye and watched her rush out the door. As it shut with a hard click, Simon took the two coffee mugs over to the sink and began to rinse them out. It had been a spur of the moment idea, and as he thought it over in greater detail, Simon questioned what he was doing. Meeting Kelly again after eleven months was going to be strange enough. Bringing CJ onto the scene would likely just add to the tension. Turning the water off, Simon picked up the ceramic mugs and headed for the appropriate cabinet. As the light green mug slipped from Simon's grasp and smashed gracelessly on the floor, Simon sighed sharply and immediately knelt down. This wasn't going to be a good day.  
  
***  
  
"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!" CJ cried, exhaling with annoyance as her folder went flying onto the hardwood floor of the hallway. Papers rained down endlessly, and no one had missed CJ's loud exclamation. Immediately, Donna and Carol appeared in the hallway, hiding their smiles as CJ defiantly stared down at the mess. "Shit," she repeated, this time with a hint of desperation in her voice.  
  
"CJ, relax," Donna ordered, on her knees and gathering the errant sheets of paper.  
  
"Relax?" CJ cried, looking anxiously at Carol. "Relax, when I have Josh up my ass about the press? Relax, when Leo and the President stay locked in the office all morning? Relax, when Toby and Sam are snapping at anyone and everyone who comes within five feet? I absolutely, most certainly cannot relax, Donna!"  
  
Carol tried to stifle her laughter as Donna simply let hers loose. "CJ, just ignore Josh. I'll use my all-powerful power and tell him to lay off of you."  
  
"And you know that Sam and Toby get crazy when they're speech writing…" Carol reminded her boss, handing off the now unruly stack of papers. CJ sighed, realizing just how little time there was until the President accepted his re-nomination.  
  
"Nice try. But this day is only going to get worse. I feel it," CJ muttered, closing her eyes briefly.  
  
"So this probably isn't a great time to tell you that Simon broke your coffee mug?" Carol grinned, nodding a goodbye to Donna who was heading back to her desk.  
  
Rolling her eyes as she and Carol approached the office, CJ snorted. "That was the message?"  
  
Looking down at her desk blotter, Carol shook her head. "Seven o'clock at the Four Seasons. Does that mean anything?"  
  
Halfway through the door of her office, CJ stopped. "Oh how I wish it did not…" she enunciated, snorting as she went.  
  
She shut the door sharply, leaving Carol in a slightly confused state outside. Before her work called her back, Carol took a brief moment to wonder why CJ didn't want to see Simon that evening. Strange, the young brunette thought to herself, very strange.  
  
***  
  
After heading several meetings and finalizing plans for the hotel security, Simon was feeling restless. It was noon, and after deciding to use his lunch break to work out, Simon found himself at the Secret Service gym. Changing quickly into shorts and a T-shirt, he entered the facility in search of a treadmill. He wanted to run, to let the pounding of his feet work out the rushing thoughts that were swirling in his mind.  
  
Her familiar laughter immediately caught Simon's ears; it sent his stomach flipping, his legs numb. Instantly sure of her voice, Simon's eyes darted around the fitness center until they rested on a small group of people near the free weights. It was Kelly, her back towards Simon, holding court with half a dozen other agents as they all lifted.  
  
Simon wouldn't have recognized her if not for the fact that Kelly's voice was ingrained in his memory; her curly blond hair had grown longer and amidst the cluster of men, Kelly seemed more petite than ever. Dressed in form-fitting track pants and a white tank top, Kelly's voice and the bulldog tattoo on the back of her shoulder were the only giveaways. And as he stood idiotically in the middle of the gym, watching her work out and be at ease with herself, Simon prayed that Kelly wouldn't find him here. He wasn't ready to see her; he wasn't ready to feel typically inadequate next to her. He hadn't prepared for it yet and Simon knew that he truly needed to.  
  
Sheepishly, Simon began to run on a treadmill that offered an unobstructed view of the weight area. God, Simon moaned inwardly, she was still so beautiful. He'd always found it incredible that Kelly could keep up with something so tough as the Secret Service; she was 5'1, no more than one-hundred ten pounds, all over delicate. And yet, Simon grinned subconsciously, Kelly was probably the last person anyone should mess with.  
  
She was tan, Simon admired, after being out in California for these eleven months. And now Kelly was back in Washington, back to the White House detail that she'd loved so much. They'd had so much fun together, Simon recalled with a twinge of that old happiness, working side-by-side and being together almost twenty-four hours a day. Before they had gone wrong they had been so right, and now they were having drinks tonight…  
  
Stumbling over his feet, Simon quickly ended the treadmill's methodic run. Overwhelming guilt instantly flooded his brain as the belt slowed down. What on earth had he just been thinking? There was no way in hell that he could let himself slip back into Kelly—she was the one mistake he should never have made. And now everything was perfect; there was no one like CJ. Kelly had nothing on the true love of his life.  
  
As he decided to screw the workout, Simon realized how disappointed CJ would be if she knew that he'd spent even two seconds re-admiring Kelly. Two seconds could ruin so much, Simon sneered at himself; he knew it so well—he and Kelly had both learned that the hard way.  
  
CJ was far too precious to hurt; she meant all too much and she wouldn't take the bullshit—there was no way he could treat her wrongly and still wake up in the morning with CJ under his arm. And, Simon reminded himself, CJ would never be like Kelly; she'd never twist him around and drop him cold—CJ wouldn't stop loving him. There was no contest, Simon told himself as he went back to the locker room, and briefly he thought about canceling the evening plans. Something stopped Simon, however, from making the call. Curiosity, dormant interest, or even just a chance to show off to Kelly what a real woman looked like all kept Simon from picking up the phone. It would be an interesting seven o'clock, that much he knew for sure.  
  
***  
  
"You wait until I have to leave to talk to me?" CJ shrieked at Toby, shocking his eyebrows up as she grabbed her purse and keys. Following CJ out into the lobby, Toby's expression remained confused and tired.  
  
"Hey, I just wanted to get an opinion from the best. I guess it doesn't matter…" Toby said lightly, stopping CJ in her tracks. She spun around, sighed, and put her hands on her hips. She couldn't help but give in to Toby's quiet yet friendly mood.  
  
"Oh Lord, what? And make it fast," CJ demanded with a slight grin, tugging at the sides of her black blazer. Toby shook his head.  
  
"If you have to go, go."  
  
"It's just a stupid drink thing with Simon…. And his ex-girlfriend will be there, so that bodes well for me," CJ remarked, keeping her tone playful though feeling apprehensive all over again. Toby's smiled an evil, slow grin, catching CJ's eye.  
  
"Sounds like you're going to have a real winner of a night, doesn't it?" Toby teased, keeping stride with CJ as she shirked of Toby's attempt at sarcastic humor.  
  
"Shut up," she offered, stopping at the security gate. "Just for that you don't get my expert opinion."  
  
Shrugging as CJ went out of the West Wing, Toby turned his back. "Okay…" he said aloud, heading towards his office.  
  
***  
  
CJ strode into the Four Seasons at ten minutes past seven, having caught every red light on the way. Standing at the doorway, she scanned the room for Simon. She scanned the room, too, for the other woman he'd surely be with, intensely curious about who Kelly was.  
  
They were laughing, CJ realized with a sinking feeling in her stomach, unexplainable though it was real. Simon was sitting at a low table, knee to knee with a blond vision. Ah, CJ thought with a sickness in her stomach, nervous, frightened at what she had barely just seen…Ah. Unable to finish the thought, CJ simply left it at that and spun around. Not tonight. * 


	4. 4

1 TITLE: Square Dance: Chapter 4  
  
AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller  
  
PAIRING: CJ/Simon  
  
RATING: PG  
  
SUMMARY: Curling into an even tighter ball, she inhaled deeply from Simon's cologne-scented shirt and tried not to watch the clock.  
  
SPOILERS: None  
  
***  
  
She walked into the bar ten minutes too early for Simon's arrival, but it had been hard enough waiting for seven. Kelly hated to admit it but she'd been yearning to see Simon for the past eleven months; from the day she'd gone to California, Kelly had missed him terribly, hated what she'd done to him.  
  
And now she was back in Washington; Simon was the first phone call Kelly had made. It had been quite a shocker earlier this day—her first back in the Secret Service DC headquarters—when old friends had filled in the news. Simon was engaged. Engaged to be married, Kelly shook her head as she settled down at a low table, to a former protectee no less.  
  
Kelly hadn't really known what she was doing until the plane had landed at National last week. She hadn't spoken with Simon for almost a full year. Yet Kelly felt that if she called him up, just one more time, she could get back what they'd had together. And, she tried to convince herself, what they'd had was something very special.  
  
As she ordered a drink from the waiter—and another she knew Simon would like—Kelly reasoned with the situation. Engagement was a pretty serious deal, not something Simon would take lightly. Kelly inherently knew that if he'd asked CJ Cregg to marry him, there was no chance he'd be anything but true.  
  
Still, Kelly fidgeted with her sandal strap impatiently, CJ Cregg? Kelly had paid minimal attention to the White House Press Secretary in former days, but upon learning of her relationship with Simon, the young agent had shamelessly pulled up CJ's information. A serious stalker, over two months ago. Simon had headed CJ's detail at the request of the President recommended by Butterfield. That much had impressed Kelly, and as she'd thumbed through the reports, she saw with slight surprise that Simon had removed himself from the detail only a few days before the stalker was apprehended. That was very interesting, Kelly noted, and very unlike Simon.  
  
She had a feeling that Simon was bringing CJ along tonight and as Kelly straightened the low neckline of her snug camisole, she cursed the fact that she'd worn a blazer. Something had to cover the gun at her hip, she supposed, but a small, catty part of Kelly wanted to be able to show off—to both Simon and his new woman.  
  
CJ Cregg probably had more self confidence than Kelly had in her little finger—this much the pretty young woman suspected, and it only worked to reinforce that Kelly had lost the man she loved.  
  
***  
  
Simon spotted Kelly at seven on the nose, sitting demurely with her legs crossed at a floor table in the Four Seasons. Fitted black blazer with long flowing blond hair cascading down her back…black Capri pants, Simon smiled, she looked entirely Californian now. And younger, too. There were almost fifteen years between Kelly's thirty-six and Simon's fifty, and tonight he knew it would show. Taking a deep breath, Simon drew himself to full height and headed towards the woman whom he'd sworn off.  
  
"Simon," she smiled, standing up and extending her small hands towards his. "You look great."  
  
Leaning down to close their full foot height discrepancy, Simon kissed Kelly on the cheek in an obligatory manner. Unable to ignore the sickening familiarity of her perfume, Simon pulled away quickly. "You, too…" He offered clumsily, feeling immediately like the idiot she always brought out in him. "It's, ah, nice to see you."  
  
"Sit down," Kelly smiled, "I got you some Absolut Vodka"  
  
"Did you?" Simon couldn't help but smiling as he saw his favorite on the table. "Thanks."  
  
They settled into the comfortably plush chairs silently, and as he picked up the glass with broad hands, Simon leaned forward and met Kelly's eyes. "So," Kelly began with a tease, "why didn't you tell me the good news on the phone?"  
  
When only his brow rose, Kelly softened her smile, working terribly hard to keep her tone congratulatory. "I heard about you and CJ Cregg. I think that's great."  
  
"Kell, don't start," Simon shook his head, looking towards the door. "She's actually meeting us here, so if you wouldn't mind…"  
  
"Hey," Kelly interrupted, her smiling failing. "I'm trying to be supportive."  
  
"You're not," Simon decided, cocking his head. "And I really don't feel the need to explain myself to you."  
  
Kelly sat back and raised her chin. "Boy, someone is really on the defensive tonight."  
  
Simon bit his lip, palming the glass in his hand. Maybe he had just jumped the gun, but instinct had initially read into Kelly's forced smile. It had to be true; Kelly was anything but happy about his engagement. And now she was about to start a fight with him in the middle of the Four Seasons. This, Simon thought wryly, is why they'd never worked out.  
  
"Kell, listen," Simon began, "I might be on the defensive, but you know you do want that explanation."  
  
Sighing audibly, Kelly nodded silently. "I just always thought…"  
  
"What?" Simon asked softly, meeting her serious, almost sad blue eyes.  
  
Another sigh. Kelly leaned forward, too, her head nearer Simon's. Her tone was soft, the attitude gone. "Three years together, and you can just walk away and get married to someone else? That's rough, Simon."  
  
"We're not married yet," Simon corrected quickly, instantly horrified at all the things that his statement could mean. Kelly's eyes widened noticeably, the corner of her lips curling up. Quickly, Simon rushed words out of his mouth to cover the slight embarrassment he'd found. "I mean, you and me, Kell, it wasn't…it wasn't what I've got with CJ and you might think two and a half months is too soon to know that type of thing, but after all you and I went through…"  
  
"Simon," Kelly interrupted quickly, "she can't possibly know who you really are."  
  
Simon fell silent, cocking his head at Kelly. He didn't know how to respond to her words, and when Kelly caught his hesitance, she covered his hand with her own.  
  
"She doesn't know you like I do. And if I know you at all, you have no idea what you want from this woman."  
  
Slightly appalled, Simon withdrew his hand from Kelly's and sat back. "You're wrong, Kelly…" he said seriously.  
  
The long, drawn out pause was clearly uncomfortable for them both. Simon sighed, deciding quickly what do to. "Which," he teased with a forced grin, hoping to lighten the sour mood Kelly had brought on, "I know is a stretch for you, but one of these days you're going to have to give in and admit…"  
  
"To what?" Kelly laughed, chuckling at Simon's humor, injected to deflect discomfort. She knew so, but decided to play along nevertheless.  
  
"You're not so perfect as you once believed," Simon smiled, laughing now as the tension of the conversation seeped away. Kelly's smile was sharp and electric as she rebutted the statement.  
  
"Pretty damn close, Simon, pretty close…"  
  
***  
  
At seven-thirty, Simon grew worried about CJ's whereabouts. Not wanting to smother her like she hated, he didn't call the West Wing, he didn't try her cell phone. Kelly wanted to eat, and their conversation henceforth had not been stilted or brusque; it had actually been a more comfortable exchange than some they'd had during their relationship. CJ would arrive when her work was done, Simon decided.  
  
Guiltily, Simon was glad that CJ hadn't shown up yet—he'd feel awful having fun with Kelly in front of his fiancée; Simon knew that he SHOULD feel awful for having a nice time with his ex-girlfriend. But it was what it was. And apparently Kelly had grown up a bit, apparently she wanted to be an adult this time. And apparently she still had an appetite that could match Simon's. Watching Kelly order a choice number of appetizers from the menu, Simon realized how attractive he'd always found that to be; Kelly wasn't afraid to eat, unlike CJ was…  
  
Forcing himself to stop thoughts like those, Simon sat back and touched his cell phone through his jacket pocket. No, he decided, she'll get annoyed with you. You'll seem insecure to Kelly, Simon thought further, if you get up to call CJ now…But as they dug into platters of potato skins and buffalo wings, Simon had no way of knowing that all CJ wanted was for the phone ring.  
  
***  
  
She felt like crying. It was 8 o'clock and as CJ curled up on the corner of the sofa, she made a bet with herself. If Simon didn't come home in the next half-hour, he wouldn't be home until tomorrow morning. As she pulled the West Point sweatshirt over her knees, Simon's cologne on the fabric wafted up to her nose. Squeezing her eyes shut to stave off the hot tears, CJ willed herself to get a grip.  
  
Maybe he wasn't having cheating thoughts; maybe they were just catching up, or even talking about work. Maybe they were recalling exactly why they'd ended things. Maybe Simon was even wondering why CJ had stood him up, why she'd left him alone with Kelly. But maybe not…  
  
CJ kept forgetting to remember that she could trust Simon; she wanted to be able to believe in him. But all that flashed through her mind was the image of Simon laughing with Kelly, heads drawn close over drinks and possibly more.  
  
You're engaged to be married— one side of CJ's brain spoke to her—and Simon takes that very seriously. He's not going to hurt you like that. No, the other half began loudly, Kelly was in his life for three years. You've been there for less than three months. What can you expect?  
  
Convinced by the latter thoughts rolling through her mind, CJ muffled her strangled cry into the couch cushions. Curling into an even tighter ball, she inhaled deeply from Simon's cologne-scented shirt and tried not to watch the clock. Thirty minutes, she told herself, that's likely all you've got left…* 


	5. 5

1 TITLE: Square Dance: Chapter 5  
  
2 AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller  
  
PAIRING: CJ/Simon  
  
RATING: PG  
  
SUMMARY: CJ knew she had to put faith in Simon's words; she knew that if she couldn't trust him, she should give him back his diamond before it began to weigh her down.  
  
SPOILERS: Vague reference to "Posse Comitatus", only because that's where we learned that Simon was a Big Brother.  
  
***  
  
Kelly was telling Simon about the tedious credit fraud work the Secret Service was doing out in California when he realized just how late it was. Nearing 8:30, time had passed without Simon's awareness, and now he was really worrying if CJ was okay. Looking up from his watch and into the eyes of his chattering ex-girlfriend, Simon bit his lip.  
  
"Kell, I'm sorry, let me go make a phone call…"  
  
She nodded perfunctorily, smiling wanly, having hoped to keep Simon from that task. As the minutes had ticked by, Kelly grew more and more thrilled by the fact that she had Simon to herself. If CJ were there, she'd never have been able to talk to Simon about anything—either work or personal matters. And, Kelly had to admit that the absence of his fiancée made Simon seem less off limits than he was.  
  
Walking out of the bar towards the lobby, Simon caught his reflection in the mirror-lined wall. He'd thrown on jeans after work, keeping his oxford and blazer. Taking out his phone to speed-dial CJ's office, Simon decided that he looked pretty damn good. It had subconsciously pleased him and as the phone rang in his ear, Simon realized that Kelly hadn't ruined his esteem this night.  
  
In their relationship, she'd had an awful habit of making Simon feel like a loser; He'd often feel unworthy of Kelly's affection, of a woman so seemingly perfect. It was wonderful that CJ loved and accepted him for what he was—she never undercut him or acted like he wasn't good enough. In fact, Simon realized, CJ was the emotional opposite of Kelly. CJ expected only what Simon had to give, and didn't demand what he couldn't handle.  
  
Frowning after hanging up with Carol, Simon's heart rate increased with nervousness. CJ had left the West Wing around seven o'clock to meet him; Carol said that her boss hadn't been called back in or returned on her own. Taking deep breaths, he dialed the apartment and prayed that CJ would answer—otherwise the night was going to take a seriously unexpected turn. A million scenarios flashed through Simon's head, and his training as a federal agent did nothing to lessen the nervous worry and fear that something awful had happened to his fiancée.  
  
By the time CJ picked up on the fifth ring, Simon had wracked every nerve in his body. Exhaling with immeasurable relief, Simon almost laughed aloud at the sound of her voice. "Oh, CJ, thank God…"  
  
***  
  
She saw Simon's cell number flashing on the caller ID, and biting her lip hard enough to draw blood, CJ wondered if she'd lost her own bet. It was 8:30 and he wasn't home, but it was 8:30 and he'd picked up the phone.  
  
When she finally answered, Simon sounded so utterly relieved to have found her; what had happened, he asked frantically, are you okay? CJ's stomach flipped as she closed her eyes, the headache growing even worse under her brow. She could not spout off on him for being out so long with Kelly—and she couldn't tell him that she'd chickened out in the door to the bar—not when Simon's concern was so genuine.  
  
"Oh jeez…Simon, I went home really fast to change, and I wasn't feeling well…I sat down on the couch and I must've fallen asleep…." CJ offered smoothly, injecting some dramatic apology into her voice. CJ was almost ashamed that she had such a high quality spin capability, but doing it every day for a living did come in handy. Leaning back against the sofa, CJ wondered if it was a lie—she was beginning to actually feel quite ill.  
  
"Honey, I'm so sorry I didn't call you earlier. I just didn't want to be a pest like you hate, so I figured…Oh, gosh. Tell me, what feels sick? I'll stop on the way home if you need anything…"  
  
CJ knew every word Simon was saying held his true feelings; he was worried and he did care about her, but she couldn't help but wondering about Kelly, about what was going on. Sighing, CJ shook her head. "Hey, don't come home on my account. Stay and have a good time, it's fine…"  
  
She fought the lump in her throat with all her heart, but even as CJ offered forth the suggestion, she begged Simon silently not to take the bait. Relief flooded her senses when he snorted into the phone. "This was never exactly a good time. I'll be home for you as soon as I can, ok?"  
  
Her tense expression suddenly relaxed, CJ hummed a bit. "Aw, Simon, I love you…"  
  
"I love you, too," Simon responded. She could hear the smile in his voice, and as he hung up, CJ's comfort zone began to widen. Maybe her emotions had completely overreacted to seeing Simon with Kelly…but the hour and a half that he'd spent there still tugged at CJ's curiosity. But for now, CJ knew she had to put faith in Simon's words; she knew that if she couldn't trust him, she should give him back his diamond before it began to weigh her down.  
  
***  
  
When Simon had been gone for ten minutes, Kelly rose from her seat in search of the man. She wanted to stay put, but she wasn't exactly a patient woman, and when it came to Simon, Kelly simply had to admit that she was attracted. That would never go away; she'd always be drawn to him and if that meant interrupting a phone call, she'd do it.  
  
Kelly walked into the lobby and spotted Simon near the restrooms and the payphones, talking on his cell. His free arm was folded over his chest, and for some reason Kelly's heart skipped a beat; there had been a time when all she'd needed was to catch a glimpse of Simon and everything was made better. Why had that changed? She asked herself honestly, and honestly Kelly didn't know why she'd become so controlling, why she'd thought that he wasn't good enough for her. Simon was! He was beyond good enough! And as she stood just feet away listening to him tell CJ Cregg that he loved her, Kelly realized in a flash that he was gone for good.  
  
"Everything okay?" Kelly managed casually, cocking her head and putting on her favorite smile, the one that she knew Simon could see right through.  
  
Simon nodded quietly, focussing his eyes on Kelly. "CJ doesn't feel well. I'm going, if that's okay?" Immediately Simon hated that he'd asked her permission to go; it was the kind of habit Kelly had put him in during their relationship, something that he hadn't yet been through with CJ.  
  
Kelly was hardly able to hide her chuckle. "I bet you told her so many horror stories about me that she got scared sick."  
  
Simon raised an eyebrow as fought the urge to smack Kelly back to California. "CJ's not threatened by you. End of conversation," he warned, not at all in the mood to get into THAT with her.  
  
She rolled her eyes and smiled in that familiar flirty manner and simply shrugged her shoulders. "Simon, relax. And leave, if you must," she grinned widely in spite of the nervous wrenching of her stomach. Joking had always hid the pain…  
  
With a sigh, Simon took out his wallet. "You still staying with Lauren?"  
  
At Kelly's affirmative nod, Simon handed her a twenty in return. "Then I'm assuming you took a cab. Go stick this on the table, get your jacket and I'll run you home."  
  
Sighing heavily this time, Simon turned away from the image of Kelly walking back to the table. He didn't want to watch her perfect figure as she flaunted it for him; he didn't want to see it even one more time. Just hearing CJ's voice was reminder enough of how worth it all the pain of losing Kelly had been.  
  
***  
  
Being in the front seat of the Suburban as Simon drove was a déjà vu for Kelly. So many times on and off-duty she and Simon had cruised around in this truck. They'd done so much together, she remembered sadly as they rode silently, gone through their lives together for three mostly happy years. Why had she expected him to remember that, too?  
  
Kelly wondered reticently if Simon was still a Big Brother. They'd joined the program together three years ago and it had killed Kelly to leave behind her Little Sister when the Service had transferred her to Los Angeles. Briefly, Kelly thought about asking Simon about Anthony, but he looked lost in his thoughts; Simon didn't want to talk anymore. He didn't want her anymore, Kelly told herself, allowing just one moment of self- pity.  
  
And as Simon stopped the Suburban in front of her apartment, Kelly looked over and smiled at the man she still loved. She couldn't tell him that sincerely and she wouldn't be able to drop the joker's act. "Hey, I really do wanna meet this chick when she feels better, 'kay? Gotta make sure you're taken care of."  
  
It evoked a genuine chuckle from Simon, and that was reward plenty for Kelly. She flashed her smile and raised brow at Simon one last time before slipping the long way down out of the truck; feet on the pavement, car rushing away, Kelly didn't stop walking until she was inside the building.  
  
***  
  
Creeping slowly into the apartment, Simon was carefully quiet in case CJ had fallen back to sleep. The television was on, and as he further entered the room, Simon saw that CJ was watching it from underneath her favorite fluffy quilt.  
  
"Hey," he offered with a smile, standing before CJ, a hand behind his back. "Are you feeling any better?"  
  
CJ smiled softly, tucking the quilt under her chin as she did. Feeling slightly guilty for having to play sick, CJ nodded. "Much. I'm so sorry about…"  
  
"Don't worry about it," Simon quickly interrupted, extending his arm. "This is for you."  
  
CJ couldn't help but beam at his thoughtfulness; a single white rose Simon held in hand and before taking it, she pulled him down onto the couch with her. "Oh, Simon…" she sighed softly, laying the flower carefully on the coffee table. "Thank you."  
  
Slipping his arm around CJ, quilt and all, Simon nodded and pulled her into his body. Quietly kissing the top of her head as she settled against his chest, Simon's heart swelled with affection and a twisted emotion that he couldn't identify. There was guilt here, he knew. CJ knew it, too, and there was something slightly unwise about bringing her a rose after spending close to two hours with an ex-flame.  
  
As he hugged CJ tightly, Simon knew that there was serious negative potential in seeing Kelly on a regular basis. Barring none, Simon admitted that she still had some kind of hold on him; Kelly was still very dangerous. It comforted him greatly feeling so enraptured by just holding CJ, however, and if Kelly had any power in Simon, CJ had ten times more.  
  
"I love you…" he whispered into CJ's hair, hoping that she had heard. * 


	6. 6

TITLE: Square Dance: Chapter 6 AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller PAIRING: CJ/Simon RATING: PG-13 SUMMARY: "Will our memories be right?"  
  
SPOILERS: Tiny reference to "The Black Vera Wang"  
  
***  
  
"Simon, when do you want to get married?" CJ asked suddenly, interrupting the quiet morning that lay before them. Having gone to bed without closing the shades, sunlight streamed over the bed and floor, wrapping the room in a warm glow. The late July breeze was unusually cool in the early hour, and as Simon pondered her question, he pulled CJ closer.  
  
"Whenever you want," Simon answered with a smile, absently running his fingers through CJ's unruly hair. Slowing picking her head up, CJ rolled her eyes.  
  
"No, Simon, we have to pick out a date together," CJ responded, placing emphasis on the fact that their wedding would be a joint project. Putting her head back down on Simon's bare chest, CJ sighed. "God, I hate planning things."  
  
Squeezing her shoulder, Simon teased, "Well, I guess I'll have to do it for you then."  
  
Sitting up abruptly, CJ's jaw dropped. "Simon, do you have any idea what planning a wedding takes?"  
  
Cocking his head, Simon coaxed CJ's face towards his with an index finger. Kissing her mouth lightly, he responded, "Well, being that I've never planned one.."  
  
Good-naturedly, CJ snorted. "I just don't have any time. We really oughta run away, like in the movies.."  
  
Placing his hands on her shoulders, Simon leaned his head back lazily. "If you really want..."  
  
CJ raised her chin, considering it for a moment. "I know you wouldn't be happy with that."  
  
Stroking her bare skin with his thumbs, Simon shook his head. "Maybe I would be. But maybe not.I'd kill to see you in a wedding dress. I had a dream about it last night."  
  
Settling back down into his embrace, CJ sighed happily. "You did?" she asked curiously, "I'll bet I looked ridiculous."  
  
Smiling softly, Simon refuted. "Nah, you were beautiful. Always are."  
  
Chuckling, CJ placed a kiss on the side of Simon's neck. "I dreamt about you, too."  
  
"Really?" Simon asked, feeling instantly grateful that she too had dreams about him, with him. She was all that filled his.  
  
"Yeah," CJ smiled, "you were cutting my hair."  
  
"Are you still thinking about getting that haircut?" Simon laughed, toying with her dirty blonde locks.  
  
"Mmm," CJ hummed, the slightest apprehension seeping into her thoughts; the haircut dream was never any good, it made her feel so uncomfortable. Too much change.  
  
"It's almost six.What time do you have to get up?" Simon asked, turning his head to see the clock. It was his day off, and though he could have easily kept her in his arms all day, Simon knew CJ would eventually have to get ready for work.  
  
Burrowing her face down into the crook of Simon's neck, CJ moaned something unintelligible. When she finally picked her head back up, a wicked grin was covering CJ's face. "Maybe I'll get 'sick' in the next half- hour."  
  
Grinning in response, Simon smoothed down CJ's hair. "Just about to ask-you feeling okay?"  
  
It took CJ a few seconds too long to remember what Simon was referring too. Ah, she thought as it hit her, last night. She'd misled Simon; she'd told him that she'd gotten sick as an excuse for missing their date with Kelly. By the time CJ confirmed to Simon that she was all right this morning, he was eyeing her strangely. God, she grimaced inwardly, I can't let him know that I got scared.  
  
"CJ," Simon raised his eyebrows, his tone questioning, "why can't you just tell me the truth?"  
  
Pursing her lips, CJ thought about playing dumb; she could just deny that something deeper had gone on last night. But Simon had already sensed it and he knew her all too well; shrugging her shoulders, CJ decided on five minutes of honesty.  
  
"Yeah, about that," CJ began, putting up the shield that would let her talk about a personal matter in a professional voice. "I wasn't actually feeling sick last night."  
  
Sitting back on her haunches as she subconsciously backed away from Simon, CJ saw something flash across his expression. He didn't say anything, only trained his eyes on hers with a confusion that sent regret into CJ's stomach. She straightened her back and forced herself not to crumple. "I'm sorry," she said in a softer voice, "I showed up and saw you there with.with Kelly and I thought.I don't know what I thought."  
  
Clasping her hands, Simon looked at CJ pleadingly, silently begging her to tell him what he needed to know.  
  
CJ sighed reflectively, inching closer to Simon. "I thought.wow, he spent three years in that relationship. What if he remembers why? And you and me.we've only been together for like, seventy-three days-"  
  
"You know the number of days?" Simon interrupted with a growing smile, tugging on CJ's hand.  
  
She lowered her eyes bashfully, smiling softly. For a minute, Simon watched CJ's features, shy and uncommonly beautiful, wondering how she could doubt his feelings. Simon spoke suddenly, "You think I needed seventy- three days to realize what we have is the real thing? It took me exactly two seconds, CJ."  
  
He spoke so confidently that making eye contact was easy for CJ; she locked his gaze and really believed what Simon said. Allowing him to pull her body into his, CJ settled her chin on his shoulder and sighed. "I know," CJ whispered into his ear, "I guess I need to pinch myself more often."  
  
A moment passed. "Don't go to work today," Simon smiled quietly, "stay here with me."  
  
***  
  
CJ called Leo around six-thirty, not even bothering to play sick. With the campaign in full swing-and the President city-hopping on a daily basis-CJ hoped that Leo would simply relent and allow her one day off. Especially today, CJ pleaded, when the President was off with Josh and Sam in California. Though he tried to inject gruffness into the conversation, CJ could still hear the smile in Leo's voice. When she reminded him that she hadn't had a day off since last April, the Chief-of-Staff finally gave in to the request. Barely hearing Leo order her to be available by phone, CJ hung up the unit and turned triumphantly to Simon.  
  
"Ha! CJ Cregg conquers all," she proclaimed, stretching out her arms in victory.  
  
Grinning with amusement, Simon grabbed CJ by the waist to pull her nearer. "And you said it couldn't be done."  
  
"Apparently it can be," CJ decided, snuggling down against Simon. Her back to his chest, she wondered briefly if this is what it would be like every day after the Administration ended. And, CJ thought with faint worry, would that come sooner than she'd like? A loss in November could lead to more free time than CJ needed. "So, what should we do?" she asked quickly, brushing away the thought of losing the White House.  
  
Dancing his fingers across CJ's taut stomach, Simon found her bare breast, and giving it a gentle squeeze, he brought his mouth to her ear. "For starters, we could do this."  
  
His voice was such a turn on, CJ realized as she turned around to kiss Simon deeply; all of him was such a turn on. As they kissed slowly, and Simon hardened against CJ's thigh, she wondered why on earth there had been doubt in her mind. This was electric; they had such chemistry. As Simon slid up into CJ's body, watching her moan with the pleasure, he could hardly remember what it was like to be with Kelly; he'd never need that memory again.  
  
***  
  
She followed the birds with her eyes as they flew out over the water, jealously fascinated. Birds, CJ realized, had nothing to worry about, nothing to plan, and nothing to be afraid of. All they had to do was fly across the water and eat when they were hungry.  
  
Turning her attention back to the salad in front of her, CJ looked only briefly at it before giving in to the tug of Simon's hand on hers. "Hmm?" she asked, smiling at his casual appearance. The three buttons on his polo were all undone, and with the breeze playing through Simon's hair, he looked much younger. Not, CJ noted, that Simon carried all fifty of his years.  
  
"I find it hard to believe that you're not hungry," he pointed to the salad with his free hand in a light manner, hoping to see CJ take a few bites of her lunch.  
  
Chuckling, CJ picked up her fork and looked back at the water. The Inner Harbor at Baltimore was not crowded this afternoon, though the weather was perfect, and CJ was glad she and Simon had found themselves here. But not, CJ grimaced, if Simon was going to bother about how much she ate. It was odd to CJ that he was constantly concerned with her eating habits; he seemed to think that she didn't eat enough, and while CJ knew it irked him a great deal that she kept her meals light, she wasn't about to give in to it.  
  
"It's good," she offered after a bite, eyeing Simon's calorie-heavy cheeseburger. "Why do you always bug me about what I eat?" CJ asked as the breeze passed over the outdoor deck; it made her feel as free as the birds, free enough to wonder aloud.  
  
Cocking his head, Simon shrugged. "I just think you worry about your weight for MY benefit. I don't know if you feel like you have to, but for the record, you don't."  
  
Brushing off the serious concern, though secretly annoyed that Simon had nailed down the issue, CJ laughed. "Hey, I was just gonna say that we should get dessert."  
  
The smile that crossed Simon's expression was far too happy for what she'd offered, but CJ decided to let it go. She didn't want to argue about something so benign and she certainly wanted to give Simon what he wanted. It was, in a way, thrilling to CJ that he had moved on from a three-year relationship into one with her that was serious tenfold. Thrilling as well was the fact that CJ had given away her fear of marriage, of commitment, and was about to go headfirst into something genuinely good.  
  
"So," Simon smiled, watching CJ chew a mouthful of lettuce, "I was thinking about what you said this morning."  
  
"About what?" she asked, her mouth still half-full.  
  
"About running away." Simon grinned, playing with CJ's fingers. "It's not such a bad idea."  
  
Raising her brow with a teasing smile, CJ snickered. "I wasn't really serious.But tell me, why is it a good idea?"  
  
"Well," Simon began slowly, "you can avoid the press, all the people you DON'T want to invite wouldn't have to be there, and best of all-" Simon put his finger in the air with a grin, "I'd get you to myself!"  
  
Unable to contain her laugh, CJ threw her head back. "Don't oversell, it could backfire in your face when I tell you tomorrow morning that we're going to Vegas."  
  
They were silent for a moment, Simon studying CJ's face. When she looked back up, the intensity with which Simon offered CJ almost frightened her. "You're not for real, are you?" she asked softly, narrowing her brow.  
  
"I'm not sure."  
  
Another moment passed as they watched each other's eyes. Finally, CJ spoke up with a sigh in her voice. "Will our memories be right?"  
  
It was the end of the conversation, and as they moved from their lunch to chocolate cheesecake, Simon turned his mind back to dates and times. They'd get married like a normal couple would, he realized, half regretting the thought. He and CJ had never been a normal couple, and while some part of running away seemed to contradict the dream Simon had, part of it seemed more romantic than anything else.  
  
***  
  
"Gimme the stuff," Simon tried for the fourth time as CJ braved ahead towards the car, shopping bags in tow. "Gimme the stuff NOW!" "No!" she called with a chuckle, walking almost faster than Simon could keep up. "You're not my valet, remember?"  
  
They'd hit the shops along the Inner Harbor after lunch, and while Simon had been more than willing to buy CJ what she wanted, she was less than willing to let him be the gentleman.  
  
"Cute," he offered as CJ spit back what he'd told her before their trip to Barney's in May. How could he forget? That black dress had been incredibly sexy; it had opened up his eyes to just what a woman CJ was. "I'm not your bodyguard right now, so give me the bags," Simon attempted once more, chuckling at his failing attempts.  
  
CJ spun around with a huge smile on her face, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. "You're not my bodyguard? What happens if someone attacks me? You just sit by and watch?" she laughed, shaking her head and continuing towards the car. "I carry my own bags, Honey Pie."  
  
Giving up as they approached the Mustang, Simon shook his head with good nature. "Do not," he laughed, "I repeat: do not ever call me 'Honey Pie'."  
  
Laughing as she popped the trunk, CJ eyed Simon flirtatiously. "Oh, but you are!"  
  
"I most certainly am not," Simon grinned. CJ slammed the trunk down after her packages were inside, and approaching Simon, she took his hands with a smile.  
  
"Ok," she agreed, kissing him lightly on the mouth, "whatever you say."  
  
Wrapping his arms around CJ's back, tracing the spaghetti straps of her black tank top, Simon returned the kiss. "I have the urge to take you home and get you drunk. What do you say?" He teased, "the perfect way to end our day!"  
  
Recalling that they were still in public, CJ slipped free of Simon's strong arms with a giggle. "And the worst way to start tomorrow-with a banging hangover."  
  
Shrugging as he got into the passenger seat, Simon caught CJ off guard with his fingers in her hair. A few kisses later, CJ sighed with the inclination to agree. "Hmm, maybe after dinner we CAN drain a bottle of wine."  
  
After another kiss, CJ started the engine, and as the car took off, Simon could hardly explain the happiness surging in him. There was just something so wonderful about the way CJ made him feel. As they drove and the wind whipped around the car as it found the interstate, Simon's thoughts again turned back to Kelly and the night before.  
  
Possibilities had always clouded the agent's vision, and they had so last night at the bar; those were moments filled with insane guilt, and though thoughts were only harmless speculation, Simon wanted to push them away. He hadn't, until he heard CJ's voice on the phone. CJ hadn't been sick, and while it should have annoyed Simon, he only found comfort in her level of attachment; it was clear to Simon just how much walking out would hurt CJ. Not, of course, that he would ever entertain that idea. The entire situation had started uncomfortably and ended on a high note; the day had been as close to perfect as days came and for the first time since Kelly had called, Simon wasn't afraid of his ex for fear of what she had once meant. It was only CJ, the woman who wanted to be his wife.  
  
"Hey," Simon said loudly over the wind, covering CJ's knee with his hand. "Let's get married in December."  
  
CJ looked briefly over at Simon, the setting sun reflecting off of his hair. "First weekend in December?" she responded with a lopsided grin not sure why Simon had popped in with such a random thought. Still, she thought as the wind tousled her hair, December was good.  
  
"That's what it'll be then!" Simon smiled brightly at CJ, hoping that planning the entire wedding would be equally as easy. "Can't wait." * 


	7. 7

TITLE: Square Dance: Chapter 7  
  
AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller PAIRING: CJ/Simon RATING: PG-13 SUMMARY: Simon knew he shouldn't be walking away from an argument; he knew so well that that was the way things were made worse  
  
SPOILERS: Small for "The US Poet Laureate"  
  
***  
  
As Simon unlocked the apartment door and CJ pushed her way through with all of the shopping bags, her cell phone rang shrilly.  
  
"Noooo," CJ moaned, dumping the packages on the sofa, "this is not cool."  
  
"A day without work is too good to be true, I guess," Simon shrugged, following CJ into her kitchen as she fished the cell out of her purse.  
  
"What do you want me to do about that, Josh?" CJ rolled her eyes as she cradled the small phone between her ear and shoulder. Looking at Simon, she pointed at the phonebook. "Let's get take out," she whispered loudly, turning her attention again back to Josh. "How am I supposed to know? I took the day off. We just got back from Baltimore.Yeah," CJ rolled her eyes again, of course it was nice. "And if you go away, it'll be even nicer.."  
  
Simon chuckled at CJ's remarks to Josh while focussing on take out. Did she mean Chinese? Pizza? Probably not that, Simon thought with a slight smirk, maybe subs.  
  
"The President said that?" CJ asked incredulously, sidling up beside Simon to see what he was looking at in the phone book. Giving the thumbs up for the sub sandwiches, CJ leaned back against the counter while Simon headed for the phone. "Maybe he said it on purpose to start debate. Like he did with Ritchie's book back in the spring...Who was in the room? Well, check it out with Sam and don't call me anymore!" CJ laughed with slight annoyance; Josh was so dense sometimes. Ending the call, she looked over at Simon, waiting for her input on dinner.  
  
"Get what ever you want," CJ smiled, responding to the question before Simon asked it.  
  
Holding the receiver, Simon leaned back against the wall and appraised his fiancée. "She's smart and powerful, she's gorgeous, and she's psychic, too!" he announced with a put-on voice, grinning all the while.  
  
Snickering, CJ grinned and met Simon's gleaming eyes. "Ah, and so much more," she teased. "I'm hopping in the shower for a second, 'kay?" "'Kay." Simon parroted, watching CJ walk out of the kitchen before he dialed up the deli. CJ, Simon thought still grinning, was as close to perfect as they came. He loved how she could be funny and witty one moment, elegant and feminine the next, all while blowing off her superior by phone. Distracting, Simon realized sheepishly as he mis-dialed the phone, CJ was so distracting.  
  
*** Empty sub paper laid crinkled over the coffee table, crumbs collecting in the creases. The radio played softly in the background of road trips to California in the summertime. CJ and Simon lounged intertwined on the sofa.  
  
The entire bottle of Old Vine Zinfandel was gone, and as Simon put his empty glass on the table, he was glad to see that CJ was substantially relaxed. Giggling quietly as Simon slipped his arm around her waist, CJ pushed her back comfortably against his chest. "Why are you laughing?" Simon asked, wondering if he'd said something funny or not.  
  
Sighing as her giggle ended, CJ pushed her head back so she could see Simon's face. "You still wanna get married in December?"  
  
"I didn't change my mind from 4 hours ago." Simon smiled.  
  
"It's cold in December," CJ said solemnly, eyeing Simon seriously. He couldn't help but releasing the chuckle that had been pushing at his lips; CJ looked so concerned with that fact.  
  
"Yeah, but it'll be really warm in Mexico," Simon thought about a honeymoon, cocking his head.  
  
"Wait, you wanna get married in Mexico?" CJ creased her brow as she considered it. Squeezing her shoulders, Simon laughed as CJ finally got his meaning. "Ohh.Well, that's true. Or we could go to Jamaica. Or the Bahamas. Or-"  
  
"Wherever we go," Simon smiled, " we'll have fun."  
  
"Oh," CJ chuckled suggestively, "it'll be fun all right."  
  
Kissing her ear, Simon squeezed CJ tighter. "So won't be drunk unless we have another bottle of wine, right?"  
  
"Nah," CJ refuted, waving her hand in the air, "I don't get drunk. Wait, scratch that. I don't ever drink THAT much-takes a lot. I get a little tipsy though," she finished happily. "Like right now."  
  
"Hmm," Simon sighed, inhaling against CJ's hair. The scent was unique, just her shampoo and the wind.  
  
"Hey, I'm like, six feet tall. Whaddaya want?" CJ murmured rhetorically, feeling instantly a bit drowsy, a combination of eating quite a bit of the sub sandwiches on top of three generous glasses of wine.  
  
A few comfortable moments later, Simon sighed contentedly. "Thanks."  
  
"For what?" CJ asked, turning her eyes upwards to Simon again.  
  
"For skipping work to hang out with me. Kelly never wanted to do that. You're more fun than Kelly," Simon said lazily, unsure of why he'd just mentioned his ex. CJ caught it immediately and feeling uninhibited, she proceeded to call him on it.  
  
"Don't compare me to her, Simon. Don't compare me to anyone" CJ demanded, her tone all too serious for Simon's comfort. "Do you think about her a lot?" CJ asked suddenly, letting a moment's quiet go by. "Or just sometimes?"  
  
"Oh, CJ," Simon shook his head vehemently, "You know I don't!"  
  
CJ clumsily turned herself over in Simon's lap, focussing her eyes on his with a bit of an effort. "I am not about to be someone's replacement," CJ calmly decided, verbalizing the very idea that had plagued her mind in days before.  
  
Simon extended his arms questioningly into the air with frustration. "CJ, are you that insecure with me?" he bit back, unable to contain the sharp annoyance in his voice. As soon as the words left his mouth, Simon knew they had been a mistake; still, her insecurity had always bothered him.  
  
Raising her chin, CJ simply kept her solid stare and climbed off of the couch and Simon's lap. Maybe it was the few drinks she'd had, maybe it was senseless worry, or maybe it was just unbridled honesty. Simon couldn't be sure how their perfectly happy conversation had just turned this way; he would have much rather seen CJ crying or endured a shrill scolding than have the woman he loved walk off in seething silence.  
  
She was damned exasperating, Simon decided as he slid off the couch to follow CJ and her veil of mystery. He hated that her concerns were semi- legitimate, and they never would have been if he hadn't have agreed to see Kelly for drinks. He hated Kelly, hated the trouble she had the ability to cause without even being present.  
  
"CJ, don't-" Simon began as he caught up to her, "slam the door," he finished, face to face with the white piece of wood. Too quick to allow CJ to lock it, Simon caught the handle and found his way easily into the room.  
  
CJ was ignoring Simon as she crawled into their unmade bed, burrowing under the covers in attempt to blow off the new issue she'd created. Damn, her hazy brain thought, I should always keep my mouth shut. "CJ," Simon began again, climbing into the bed beside her, "This is ridiculous. You're not five, so get up and talk to me. Now."  
  
Snorting into the pillow, CJ didn't move. "You know what? Just stop insulting me and my intelligence. I don't need it, Simon. I get plenty of that at work, thank you."  
  
Sighing heavily, Simon sucked it up and apologized. "Ok," he lowered his tone barely willing to do it, "I'm sorry. But do you honestly think that I still want Kelly?"  
  
"I wonder. You'd wonder!" CJ mumbled, attempting to tug the covers up higher, only to be stopped by Simon's hand. "What was that?"  
  
Sitting up abruptly, CJ flung herself up into Simon's face. "I said that you would wonder, too!" CJ cried, eyes wide as she enunciated the words and forced herself not to crack. She'd had a bit too much wine to finish this properly, and really only wanted to stop and sleep, start over in the morning. But Simon was pursing his lips, shaking his head in a quiet softness that usually only spelled trouble.  
  
When he finally spoke, it was after getting up off of the bed. "I'm going home," Simon offered with a shrug, not equipped to deal with CJ's immaturity at the moment, "We'll do this later."  
  
It was weak, it was lame. Simon knew he shouldn't be walking away from an argument; he knew so well that that was the way things were made worse. But old patterns were hard to break, and as Simon caught a cab back to his own apartment, he wondered if old girlfriends were, too. Was Kelly in his subconscious? Was he unknowingly comparing CJ with the woman he'd once loved? God, had he even really loved Kelly? Shit, Simon leaned his head back against the cab seat, shit. * 


	8. 8

TITLE: Square Dance: Chapter 8 AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller PAIRING: CJ/Simon RATING: PG-ish SUMMARY: "I need you more than I like to admit, and so before you can push me away, I have to push you first."  
  
SPOILERS: None  
  
***  
  
Simon arrived unannounced, knocking on the door softly, knowing that she'd let him in without a word. Her face registered a moment of surprise before it resumed its forced nonchalance; dressed in only her short cotton nightie, the one that he'd picked out for her at Victoria's Secret, Simon thought CJ looked younger and slightly more nervous than a woman of her stature should. He followed CJ to the sofa, watching her barely covered body with not so much a lust but with a longing. Simon didn't know what he'd do if she wanted to end things; he hadn't thought that far in advance. But it crossed his mind as he sat down and turned towards her in a half-pleading, half- commanding manner. He wouldn't let her walk away, not without a fight.  
  
Before he could speak, CJ beat him to the punch as she tucked her hair behind her ears. Not really looking at Simon, rather gazing lazily past him with a cocked head, CJ cleared her throat. "I was pretty stupid," she shrugged, her voice slightly hoarse.  
  
"So was I," Simon quickly agreed, not sure if CJ wanted to get specific, or let things slip easily by without the stilted verbiage.  
  
Looking squarely into his eyes then, CJ's mouth retained a straight line. Her bare shoulders drooped as she sighed, and when she straightened her back again, Simon straightened his. "I think I get scared too easily. That's all," CJ said casually, and as she proceeded to pull her knees into her body, Simon wondered if her words had meaning, or if there were just that-merely words.  
  
"What are you afraid of?" he tried, running his hand through his hair, hoping she'd do her best to let loose with him.  
  
Another heavy sigh. CJ turned her body forward then, facing the television instead of Simon. He wouldn't touch her when she was curled up like that; CJ had done it purposely-she couldn't handle having him near her until they untangled their mess. "I'm afraid of you hurting me," CJ said, her eyes locked to a spot on the wall, staring painfully away from Simon. She pursed her lips, gathering her thoughts, waiting too, for his.  
  
"I'm not," Simon leaned forward a bit, forward though she wouldn't look at him. "I mean, I don't want to-I didn't think I had.."  
  
CJ leaned her head back onto the sofa, the line of her neck long and graceful. Simon watched her with an old fascination, and as she moved again, he waited without prodding. She would talk to him on her own time. Instead, CJ opened a small box on the coffee table, and with a cigarette in her hand, she finally turned her eyes towards Simon.  
  
"You don't mind?" she asked, her tone blasé as she lit the slim white cigarette. Simon watched her take a long drag, realizing slowly that she must have worked her stress up to awful heights. Eventually as the smoke mingled with the clean air in the apartment, CJ turned her entire body back to Simon.  
  
"I do this to myself," CJ confided, cocking her head as she let the cigarette burn between her fingers, "I need you more than I like to admit, and so before you can push me away, I have to push you first."  
  
Linking his fingers together and crinkling his brow, Simon leaned his elbows on his knees. "Why do you feel like I'm going to push you away?"  
  
"Because!" CJ's voice rose unexpectedly, falling with her next breath, "because someone always does. I can't expect anything else."  
  
She flicked the cigarette into an immaculate gold and white ashtray, watching Simon from the corner of her eye. "So I shouldn't take this personally?" Simon asked, working to keep an attitude out of his tone. He found it perturbing and sad that CJ hadn't experienced an honest man-and he was angry that her past was hurting the present.  
  
CJ wetted her lips and looked away. The sun was setting, streaming softly through the blinds, making patterns on the floor. She didn't know how to fix this, but he was here in her apartment and there was no option but to try. The sun moved behind a cloud, drowning the light on the floor in darkness. "I'm sorry," she said, still without the courage needed to meet his eyes.  
  
Simon inched forward, daring to put a hand on her wrist. She didn't flinch or pull away, instead she simply snapped her neck towards him. "I need you to trust me," Simon pleaded, eyes wide as CJ studied his expression.  
  
Simon's face read confusion, he was questioning, almost afraid that CJ would say there was no trust. But it wasn't true, Simon thought with surety, she COULD trust him. There was no other woman, there were no thoughts of Kelly. Simon didn't want to be anywhere else but here. Ah, he watched as CJ took another drag from the dwindling cigarette, if only she could hear him.  
  
"You didn't do anything wrong," CJ murmured, slowly revolving her head towards Simon again, moving her hand so it was joined with his. She stubbed the cigarette out with her free hand, exhaling before saying, "I really am sorry about all this."  
  
Her eyes were genuine and so Simon brought her hand to his lips. "Don't worry anymore."  
  
Sitting up, Simon tentatively slipped an arm around CJ's, pulling her into his body lest she protest. "I'm sorry," CJ whispered again, leaning into his embrace almost readily, catching Simon by surprise. Tightening his arm around her waist, Simon sighed with a mixture of contentedness and worry. He didn't like the way they'd argued and he didn't like the way it had just been worked out. CJ was cryptic, mysterious, and unsteady when it came to their relationship. Sometimes, Simon realized as CJ slid down and buried her head in his lap, he hung onto this woman by barely a thread.  
  
***  
  
The morning came all too soon, and as Simon cracked his eyes open he remembered the night before. CJ was now curled up into his body, her lips still on his neck, her hands on his chest. They'd made love last night, slowly and quietly, drawing out the pleasure for hours. There was nothing like watching CJ's face, responsive as her body found its peak over and over again. And she was beautiful, Simon realized with a sinking in his stomach, sinking for there was something missing between them. She'd been too quiet, too inside of her head all night long. CJ was still upset, her nerves clearly still in a tangle.  
  
He hoped she wouldn't hide her troubles from him, but as Simon traced CJ's shoulder blades with his fingers, he instinctively knew that she always would. As her eyes opened slowly, Simon realized how much he loved her, despite her elusive emotions. There was too much, he sighed despite the smile he offered her, sometimes she was too much to handle.  
  
CJ smiled back, shyly and tentatively in the early hour, seemingly happy as she kissed Simon's nearby mouth. If she could cover her fears with that smile, Simon decided as he returned the kiss, they might just be able to make it work. * 


End file.
